Mr. Right is the man every woman wants to meet. He is elusive. Hard to find. And much harder to catch. The truth is if we ever found Mr. Right, we probably wouldn’t recognize him. I don’t even know what that means anymore.

Who exactly is Mr. Right?

Does he look any different than all the Mr. Wrong’s we meet?  Will he walk right up to us and sweep us off our feet? Will there be an obvious neon “Pick me!” light floating above his head?

No. Of course not.

Mr. Right is as likely to be shopping in your grocery store or on the treadmill at your gym as he is hanging around the mountains or watching football at some local bar. The truth is he could be anywhere. Yet it is difficult to spot him, especially if you have really giving up on finding him.

Since it seems hard to find him, let’s look at the alternatives:

Mr. Right Now…

This is the guy who keeps asking you out for dates. He is totally into you, but you aren’t captivated by him. He may not be who you are looking for, but is sexy as hell.  He is the life of the party and the envy of other men. Pretty dull personality, but looks like his abs have been Photoshopped. Eventually, after noticing all your girlfriends are getting boyfriends, you decide to hang onto him.

Why not?  The holidays are coming. And of course you don’t want to be the last girl left standing alone on the sidelines. He treats you pretty good and he’s happy just to be with you. You might actually like him if he was even remotely interesting and talked about more than work and Family Guy. But you aren’t really dating him for quality conversation, are you?

Mr. Right Here…

This guy is handy. What I mean is he is convenient. He works in your office or lives in your apartment complex. He might be your friend’s kind neighbor who often drops by or the guy at the bank. You have seen him so many times, he blends into the background. Totally not your type, but kinda cute and makes you laugh.

He’s not assertive or pushy and has pretty much put you in the dreadful “friend zone.” He likes sports, but doesn’t obsess (or yell at the TV) and enjoys reading books (not ones with pictures or glossy ads either). Cheesy pick up lines and fart jokes are beneath him. Honestly, he’s so nice that you immediately think there must be something wrong with him. There’s not. He’s just a nice guy not trying too hard.

Mr. Right for Them…

“He’s so perfect for you!!” This is the one that everyone else seems to think is your Mr. Right, but you may have not even met. His photos are not promising either. This guy is the son of your parents’ friends who have been trying for years to get you together. He might be the college roommate of your coworker’s husband or your best friend’s cousin who lives in another state. They have all conspired several times over the years just so that you could meet him. Maybe you do someday and the meeting is pretty anti-climatic.

With so much pressure from everyone, you aren’t even sure if you truly like him or if you’re trying to please all the other people who think you would be perfect together.

Mr. Right But…

This guy’s got issues. Nothing outrageous, but enough for you to pause. The pause could be some sort of commitment avoidance thing on your part or a gut instinct. He could actually be perfect for you – your Mr. Right – but there is some glitch that you aren’t sure you can get past.

He might be recently divorced or a single father with two small children. You’re not even sure if you want children of your own and certainly not someone else’s children. Maybe he travels a lot for his job or is is a workaholic. He carries a little weight in the midsection or seems to drink just a little too much.

He could be a great guy, but he doesn’t exactly fit your fairytale story – instead of the tall, handsome prince, he’s short and prematurely balding.

Are any of these men in your life?  The Almost Mr. Right. I bet at least one of them are.

Well where is Mr. Right?

Before you answer, “I don’t know,” take an honest second look at Mr. Right Now, Mr. Right Here, Mr. Right for Them or Mr. Right But.  One of them could be your Mr. Right. Just waiting for you to see him for what he really is. Maybe.

Or…maybe not.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a date for the holidays?

For all of you out there ready to try something new in your dating life, online dating may be the right option. If you have already tried Internet dating sites that just don’t seem to have anyone interesting or compatible, maybe it is time to try a different Internet dating site.

You may have noticed that many of the dating sites that offer free membership tend to attract those who are not willing to take commitment serious. If it is free, think about the people the site may be attracting.  Sure, you can find a diamond in the rough. But from my experience, free equates to cheap.  And who wants to date someone who is cheap?

I understand in this economy we are all on a budget and may not be able to afford the extra expense of a dating site.  The sites that require a membership fee may not be in your budget. Every now and again, some of these online dating sites will offer free weekends to try it out before you pay.  This is a good deal, but you may not be able to get all of the benefits of you join.

Chemistry is offering a Free Communication Weekend starting on December 2nd through the 4th.  Why not give it a try – you have nothing to lose, and you just might meet the man or woman of your dreams.

Don’t delay – this does not come up too often and the weekend will be over before you know it!

Looks really are not everything when it comes to lasting relationships.  Ask couples who have been married for 25 or 50 years what keeps their relationship alive. They will usually tell you that they have the same values and goals or just simply “get” each other.  While physical attraction may draw your attention to a man, it’s not enough to keep you together for the long haul.

His thick, dark hair becomes gray or falls out. His six pack abs turn into his six pack of beer belly. The time he spent gazing into your eyes is now spent focused on the television set watching sports. The butterflies will go away and the chemistry will die down.  A strong relationship needs to be built on a solid foundation or it will quickly come tumbling down at the first sign of trouble.

For a long lasting relationship, there has to be something more substantial than sex or infatuation that keeps a couple together. Couples who share the same values have a bond that goes beyond physical attraction.  It’s a foundation for their relationship.

Meeting men with the same values is not always an easy task, especially as you get older.  The older you get, the less pliable you become in your ways and mindset.  Your values are pretty set in stone, and finding true love with someone who is off kilter with what you find important will lead to disappointment in the long run.

Don’t compromise or be fooled by his charm and good looks.

It is so easy in the early, honeymoon stages of dating to overlook serious conflicts in values.  When he is tall, dark, and handsome or makes you laugh, we can easily justify the differences.  I am not talking small quirks or flaws here.  I mean the big stuff.

If your family is important to you and the strong bonds you have, then you need to find a man who shares that background, or at least understands this value. Otherwise, your relationship will be strained each time his family values and yours collide.  Also, if you want kids and he doesn’t, or vise-versa, it will end up leading to major fights down the road and lasting resentments.

Look at your faith.  It may not seem important if he doesn’t believe what you believe, but it will eventually catch up in your relationship.  It will become even more central if you have children together.

The same goes with politics. While you don’t have to agree on every position, if your views are radically different, each election year and beyond will become straining on your relationship. Even what television shows or news programming you watch each night will become a source of frustration.

Finances.  This is a big one and one of the leading causes of divorce. If you love expensive purses and fancy vacations and he is “thrifty”, you will eventually clash.  Look at how he manages his money and compare it with yourself.  In some ways, you may complement each other, but if you are opposite to the extreme – your relationship may fail.  Having a discussion about finances is a wise choice before you get too serious.

There are many other things to consider when aligning your values: communication styles, education, health and fitness, parenting styles, and more.

You Don’t Want a Clone

You don’t have to look for a guy who is your philosophical, spiritual, mental, and emotional clone to be happy. As a matter of fact, this can lead to a poor mismatch as well.  You should have differences to some degree to keep the relationship from going stale or boring! Differences of opinion can be healthy – and even exciting. But differences that tear at the essence of your belief system become divisive and quarrelsome in any relationship.

Hang out Where He Hangs Out

Perhaps the best way to find a significant other who shares your most treasured values is to go where like-minded people can be found. Maybe that’s at a certain church or synagogue that represents your spiritual beliefs. Maybe a photography club or chess club, depending on your particular interests.

Outdoor enthusiasts of environmentalists may be volunteering to clean up a trail or participate in a backpacking trip. Join a group that participates in these activities.

If you like sports, go to a baseball game and celebrate at a local bar afterwards.  You never know who you may run into.

Essentially, you will have better luck finding someone who shares your values, beliefs, interests or culture, by doing these things that are meaningful to you.

Related articles

• Do Opposites Really Attract? (lovemusings.com)
• Meeting in the Middle (bizrelationships.wordpress.com)

Mr. Right?

Each day single women everywhere are looking for Mr. Right.  However, the search in your 20′s was much different than the hunt in your 30′s.  In your 20′s, a local bar and a few martinis was all you needed to find him.  Although then he was probably thought of as Mr. Right Now.  Even the standards were much lower: cute, funny, nice car, big muscles.

As you enter your 30′s and 40′s, not only have hard lessons and broken hearts raised your standards, but there is now a few pieces of baggage that accompanies the quest for Mr. Right.

Your baggage. His baggage. Your other single friends’ baggage.

But you still want Mr. Right, even if it is a new, improved version.

Yet you have graduated college and struggle just to stay out past midnight on a Friday night.  So, where do you find Mr. Right?  Heck, where do you even find Mr. Right Now?

It seems even finding someone to go dancing or watching a movie to pass the time with until He (Mr. Right) comes along is a challenge. If you are over 35 and do not have a prospective boyfriend, men secretly are afraid you are going to want to lock them in their house until they agree to marry you.

It is quite pathetic how quickly they want to run to a galaxy far, far away as soon as you hint that you actually enjoy their company and may want to spend more time with them.  Strange how that scares men.

You are Now a Threat

Why is a man so afraid to share his single, independent, fly to Paris on a whim, no one tells me what to do, dirty socks on the living room floor, sometimes lonely, bachelor lifestyle of beer pong and video games with a…. ummm, girl?

Do girls really put a cramp in their solo-ish, free lifestyle or nights out with the boys?  Maybe it’s fear of cooties.

Is it possible they have fallen trap to the whole “grass is greener” concept?  That seems so cliché and 20-something.

What if she is thinking he MAY be her Mr. Right Now?  Is it so bad that a reasonably attractive, smart, sexy woman shares a few Saturday nights with them?  Maybe it is.  Maybe that is why they stay far away from the places these single women may be hanging out, ready to trap the next available man that walks in the door (sarcasm).

Or are their past failed relationships (aka baggage) so ingrained in their persona that they can’t seem to leave it behind?  This woman may ALSO be possessive, angry, a cheater and liar as well. Or whatever ex-hangups he may have.

Maybe the same is true for women, and the combination creates such a potent emotional repellent, we really don’t stand a chance.

The truth is maybe Mr. Right doesn’t want to be found.  He is either already taken, has no interest in being discovered, or is so afraid of a real relationship he stays hidden behind a wall of protection – literally and figuratively.

An eternal romantic would disagree.  Instead, maybe he really IS out there and will someday cross your path – literally and figuratively.

Image via Wikipedia

While there have been many women’s liberation movements in history – the right to vote, to get an education, to work, wear pants – the era of the Bionic Woman, the Mary Tyler Moore Show, and Wonder Woman seems to stand out to most.

Ironically, men seem to be more interested in the women’s movement, women’s lib, feminist movement, whatever you want to call it, than women are.

Some use it as an excuse to stop paying for dinner or opening car doors. (Another topic…)

Other men want to fight the women’s movement saying all the women’s movement did was create angry, selfish, man-hating b__ches. Well, that may be true for some women.  But, those women may have been that way even if there was no women’s movement.

Women are just more independent now. The reality is today’s woman doesn’t need you -  in the traditional sense.  And while that might be a real shocker, trust me on this, this is a good thing.

Pre-1970′s Women’s Movement

Back in the day, women, at least some women, married a man to take care of them, pay all the bills, and give them the fancy lifestyle they wanted. The assumption was made in matrimony that the man would take care of the woman financially while she kept a clean house and spent all day preparing dinner, watching soap operas, or shoe shopping.

Post-1970′s Women’s Movement

Obviously, this may still happen in some households, but it’s typically by choice, not necessity. Women today are much more educated and independent, and again – that’s a good thing.

Most modern women are completely capable of fending for themselves in the big, scary world, so they don’t need you to pay their bills and look after them. Okay, so the reason this is such a good thing is that most women you’ll run across in your dating endeavors are interested in finding love, companionship, and mutual partnership rather than a checkbook or security blanket. (I understand there are still women looking for sugar daddys).

If you have money, that’s great! Ambition? Very attractive. Obviously, no women wants a lazy bum who can’t hold a job! But she’s probably more interested in how the income will contribute to your life partnership and romantic getaways than whether or not you’ll be giving her a new kitchen appliance for her next birthday.

We Still Need You – Just Not Your Checkbook

In your dating experience, you’re likely to come across both types of women – the ones that are needy and the one’s that are not.

This doesn’t mean women don’t need men.  Just in a different way. Women and men will always need each other in some capacity – it is what makes the world go ’round.  But, somehow, this transition in roles has caused some confusion.

Some men still seem to gravitate towards the “needy” women out there. By this I mean the ones who seem to delight in emotional drama and scenes (insecure anyone), need hourly-text-message-reassurances, can’t balance a checkbook or pay a mortgage, and require you to buy them a spa visit every weekend.

Are these men intimidated by the big, bad, independent, strong women? Ewwww…scary!

Maybe some of these men feel threatened or confused by this modern arrangement. Like in some way having a healthy FICO score and ladies night out diminishes their manhood.  Or, is it the hero complex of wanting to save us? Could it be they don’t feel a sense of purpose if they are not the “sole providers” or the “man of the house”?  These are just conjectures and educated guesses.

But then there are the guys who don’t like needy women.

They’re okay with UNneedy. Nice.

Not only has the times changed but women are waiting longer to think seriously about marriage. They finish college, start careers, invest their money. Women have learned that they can handle things and are capable of providing for themselves if they need to.

Many women today are perfectly capable of buying their own homes, cars, and accessories. Sure, there are patches in their lives where they may be on the broke side. But, somehow they climb out of that debt, on their own.

They’re not necessarily women’s libbers or cold feminists, but they have learned that they’re responsible for their own life’s successes and failures.

This does not mean being a gentleman dies along with this!  Somehow that got lost in translation. They still want to form lasting, romantic and loving partnerships with great guys, but they aren’t looking for someone to save them.

If you’re interested in being with a smart, strong, self-confident woman who has a handle on her life and who is looking for a great partner to share that life with, the women’s movement is definitely on your side.  Because of this, you can have an increased level of confidence that she likes you for you – not your money, your house, or the fact that you have an expensive car.

Women still want affection, thoughtful conversations, and romantic gestures. Today’s woman may pay her own mortgage, but she is still looking for chivalry and romance, not “going dutch” or a shortage of flowers or romantic gifts.  She is looking for love and respect, not an excuse to be cheap and lazy.

Be a good man. A gentle and kind man.

More often than not, she’s looking at what’s inside, not the cold hard cash.

If you love the Onion and/or sarcasm (as I do), this video portrays an interesting perspective on dating men.  Are women dating shapeshifters?  Bestselling author Craig Wheedon shares this perspective on Today NOW! urging ladies to face the truth and stop dating the shapeshifter.

Even in extreme sarcasm, there may be some underlying truths.  This video was posted in March of 2010, but I find the humor still applies today and probably will for many more years.

Enjoy the video and please comment below!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZK8POoP_vZY

I was just reading this hilarious book titled, Women are Crazy and Men are Stupid, written by a couple.  There is a chapter in there about expectations, and the book’s male perspective is that expectations ruin everything.

I tend to agree, but shouldn’t there be some expectations on how a woman or man should act when dating or in a relationship?

Maybe. Okay, yes. But, dating is not the place for people who have unrealistic or high expectations – especially in the early stages. Dating is not the place to forget that the people we’re dating are human, meaning that they’re going to have quirks, bad hair days, spinach in their teeth, or an imperfect career. They may forget to open the car door or ask how your day was, and they may even occasionally forget to call.

I know of many nice guys who set the bar so high, there is no way a woman can ever meet those expectations. They reject many great women because they weren’t, well, perfect.  Or, maybe were just having a bad day.  I also know women who won’t go out with a guy because he does not match up with her perfect little list of expectations and desires.  It is amazing men and women hook up at all these days.

People build up the idea of a perfect date with a perfect man/woman. Perfect looks, perfect body, perfect job, perfect smile, perfect sense of humor, perfect personality – just perfect in every way. Give me a break! Stop living in a fantasy world. Once you realize that person is human, you will only be let down.

As the old saying goes, “No matter how good looking she is, some man, somewhere, is tired of listening to her complain.” While I may be slightly offended by this comment and know that not all women constantly complain, the truth is – no matter how perfect she looks, she still has flaws!

If you’re thinking that you’re failing at dating because your idea of the perfect person hasn’t fallen into your lap, or the most gorgeous guy or gal has turned you down for a date, you’re not paying attention.

Look around you. Most people aren’t perfect 10′s – male or female. They may have a 10 personality and a 7 in looks, or the other way around.  Average is just that – average – meaning like the majority of other people.  You may find those exceptions, but you will be waiting a long, long time.  Average people (and even above average people) will make mistakes, they may gain a few pounds, they will say the wrong things, and send the wrong flowers on the wrong day.

I think Howard is right – expectations ruin everything! Man!

You need to open yourself up so that you aren’t shutting out some really great dating prospects. You may need to check yourself – I am pretty sure you are not perfect either.  We ALL have our shortcomings, so you may need to be okay with some shortcomings in your dates.

However, as Jenny says in the book, we can’t give up hope and have NO expectations – what’s the point?

Find out what your deal-breakers are. Everyone has them, and even if you’re a super patient person, there are going to be things that you just can’t stand. Create a mental list, or even write it down.  Commit it to memory.  Remember these are DEAL breakers – BIG things. Think about hard-core values and what keeps you interested for long-term chemistry.

Don’t be too shallow or picky.

You’re going to have to compromise  somewhere.

In the end, look at the whole package and not reject someone for one or two perceived flaws. If you do reject those who are great, but not perfect, you might be rejecting someone who could be the love of your life and who may end up being perfect in your eyes once you get to know him or her.

Bottom Line: Unless you’re completely perfect yourself (which no one is), don’t shoot yourself in the foot by rejecting imperfections.  These flaws often become the very thing you love about that person later on. If that person has got one of your deal-breakers, that’s one thing, but if you look at the whole package and see someone who’s averaging a decent score, then give them a shot. Don’t forget, your date is judging you the same way, and giving you a fair shot, too.

In the meantime, here’s a clip from the authors of the book, Women are Crazy and Men are Stupid.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-oXoBwRotk

Do opposites really attract? Often times, yes. You’ve heard that in romantic relationships, opposites do attract, and that’s probably true. People who are different than us (especially in temperament) fascinate us. But in the end, a relationship with two opposite people can be tumultuous, too.

When we talk about opposites attracting, we’re not talking about you (a nice girl) being attracted to a bad guy, although that can certainly happen. You might find a bad guy attractive because he lives on the edge, seems very mysterious or has a very carefree attitude. He may seem sexy and unattainable, but you have to ask yourself if you really want someone who’s that far on the spectrum of behaviors and beliefs as you. As exciting as that might seem, the combination of you and Mr. Bad Guy is most likely going to be volatile or hugely disappointing.

Find a Balanced Relationship

So, back to the question “Do opposites really attract?”  Attraction is one thing, a lasting relationship is another.

If you end up with someone who is completely different from you, you’re probably not going to be happy in the long run. Conversely, if you choose someone who is an exact replica of you, it will probably be the same story – because you’ll both become bored.

You have to have enough differences in your personalities, interests, temperaments, and desires to keep things exciting and balanced, but not so many differences that it causes a lot of arguments and grief.  The foundational values are key – this is where you should be similar.  If you are different in certain ways, someone who complements or enhances those difference could lead to better results than two people who clash!

Men, look for a woman who’s similar to you when it comes to your core values and beliefs, such as opinions about having children, education, or religion preference. If you have comparable views about politics and cultural tastes, this helps, but it’s not a prerequisite as long as it doesn’t cause insurmountable arguments.

Personality-wise, if you’re are a very quiet and reserved person, a more outgoing personality might bring you out of your shell a little bit – as long as you complement each other and it is not too extreme. Likewise, if she’s a bit daring (does she have a tattoo and likes to party?), and you would like to be a bit more daring, she might bring that quality out in you.

What about interests? You should definitely share some interests because in the long run, these are the things that develop bonds and quality time. You don’t have to love everything she does or vice versa, but there should be some overlap.  This is a great way to learn a few new things from each other. You may actually find that you like musicals (I know, unlikely), and she may find that she loves going to football games. Balance is the key here.

Remember, you shouldn’t be with someone exactly like you and you don’t want someone who is your polar opposite. Either way, you’ll both end up either bored of each other or very frustrated. Instead, find someone who you can get along with, but challenges you as well – mentally, spiritually, and emotionally.

Ask yourself, are you ready for a mature relationship? Can you tolerate your differences and even learn something new? Are your similarities significant enough to create lasting bonds? All of these answers will propel you from attraction to relationship.  ALL relationships will have some conflict and disagreements.  After all, you are both human beings with different backgrounds, personalities, attitudes, and temperments.

Find a great girl or guy who’s like you, but at the same time isn’t. That’s where your perfect match lies.

Related articles

• Do Opposites Really Attract when Dating Online? (datingonline.net)

Image by a-birdie via Flickr

There are some mixed messages out there and am hoping some of my readers can clarify some of this for me (and for the rest of the dating world).

Between talking to men and listening to all the relationship stories out there, there is some conflicting information.  I am a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words, so when the words do not match up with actions, confusion and frustration sets in.

So, what are these mixed messages?

For many years now, I have seen a contradiction in what men SAY they want in a woman and who they actually end up with. On one hand, men say they despise drama and want no part of needy women (the words).  Yet, everyday it seems I am hearing a story about a man who is hooked on a girl who treats them like crap or can’t stand on her own two feet (the actions).  This girl is either filled with drama or is extremely needy.

You know the ones.  The crazy girl who calls her man 10 times a day.  Or the one who starts fights for no reason.  Or that girl who sucks every penny from the man through divorce or extravagant dating expectations. Yet, these men can’t seem to get over these women.  Either that or they have so much hate towards them, that clearly emotions are still rampant.

I have a friend recently tell me that her brother has been pinning over a girl for 18 years!  Almost two decades!  She dumped him, kicked him out, and treats him badly. Yet, he still  “loves” her.  Another friend told me that her boyfriend dumped her to go back to his crazy ex-wife who called the cops on him several times during their volatile relationship – claiming he was “abusing” her.

I went on one date with a guy and decided I was not intoxicating enough for him after he revealed his last relationship to me.  He met her online where eventually she told him she was living in a foreign country and needed him to send her some money to get her back to the states.  He actually did send money to her!  Then through many more drama-filled incidents and lies, he dated her for an additional 2 years!

Yet, I also know great single ladies who are attractive, low drama, independent and strong who can’t get a man to commit to more than one or two dates for the life of them!  A guy once told one of these girls, she was “too independent.”

WTF?

I am sure there are great single ladies who have other flaws that men don’t particularly care for – like their own house, a job, no kids or crazy ex-husband, a decent FICO score, and a good relationship with their family.  That is understandable.

But, maybe these women possess the biggest flaw of all: boring.  Well, they are not really boring in the sense that they don’t know how to have fun.  But, boring in the sense that they have their feces collated.  They have thier sh*t together.  Sigh.  That may be a turn off to men.  Life without uncertainty and plenty of predictability.

Excuse the sarcasm above, but again – WTF?!

While men say they don’t want drama, do they unknowingly or subconsciously actually thrive on or even love drama? I know this is stereotypically a woman’s role, but I have to ask.

So, which is it?

Related articles

• Why Some Men Can Not Commit to a Relationship (beyondjane.com)
• “We Drink, Argue & Break Up Often But I Love Him & Want To Be A Family” (hellobeautiful.com)

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

I am sure you have heard of John Gray’s book, Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus. If not, maybe you really have been living on another planet.

The basic premise is that men are women are different in relational matters, almost as if each gender is from a different planet.

Dr. Gray explains that both Martians and Venusians need to understand  these differences in order to survive here on Earth.

With changes in gender roles at work and at home, confusion on both the male and female psyche have made dating and relationships more challenging.  When it comes to matters of the heart, both men and women in today’s world come with  greater expectations of lasting romance.

Although since the days of Adam and Eve, love has always been a mystery to even the most intelligent Earthlings, relationships nowadays are even more challenging with fuzzier lines of gender roles, Internet dating, and busy lifestyles. Acquiring a better understanding of where your mate is coming from will surely make your relationships easier.

But, let’s face it, men and women need to not only learn how to coexist on this planet, but to be able to actually fall in love and reproduce to keep the population from dying off. We have to learn ways to tolerate the differences.

Increasing tolerance for our differences doesn’t imply passive acceptance of a problematic or emotionless relationship. Rather, a healthy adaptation that is based on true insight that helps us to understand our mates better. Maybe then we can react in ways that are more loving and will bring out the best of ourselves.

Without the awareness that we’re supposed to be different, men and women are just going to continue to be at odds with one another.  While things may be happy and harmonious on Mars and Venus, here on Earth, we often get angry or disappointed with the opposite sex.

While the Mars/Venus analogy is fictitious and only a symbolic gesture to point out our differences, here on Earth getting along is a crucial reality.

Are we Really that Clueless or Just Have a Bad Memory?

It’s funny.  We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We want them to “want what we want” and “believe the way we believe”.

We erroneously assume that if our significant others love us, they should respond and behave in particular ways—the ways WE respond and act when WE love somebody.  Oh, it seems such an obvious mistake on paper, but in application we seem to forget this simple truth.  Funny, we don’t do that with other tasks like driving a car or uploading our iPods.

Even if you read John Gray’s book 17 times, you will still forget and at some point expect a man/women to just “get it.” To think like US as a man/women.

This position sets us up to be frustrated over and over and over and keeps us from taking the necessary time to communicate lovingly about our differences.

For those who really have read relationship books or took time to learn about the opposite gender,  or just intuitively get it somehow – they are one step ahead of those who truly are clueless, or unaware.

Some  people (men and women) really do not realize that genders have dissimilar emotional needs. As a result, they don’t instinctively understand how to support one another. Men typically provide in relationships what men want, while women provide what women want. Each erroneously presumes that the other has the same needs and wants. As a consequence, they both wind up dissatisfied and resentful.

Take Time to Learn

If you are okay living among your Martian or Venusian friends balking at the opposite gender, feel free to skip over learning the differences.  But, the truth is, if you do want to have a healthy relationship, you are probably going to have to learn that what is good for the goose is NOT necessarily good for the gander.

Next time you’re frustrated with the opposite sex, recall men and women are different. Even if you don’t recall anything else, remembering that we’re supposed to be different will help you to be more loving.

By gradually giving up your judgments and blame (oh, the horror!) and persistently inviting what you want, you may produce the loving relationships you wish, require, and merit. You’ve a lot to look forward to. Go forward Earthlings and develop in love.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor of love or a doctor of anything.  This is just advice from my own experience and the experiences I have witnessed in my many years of human existence.  If you are having major relational issues with your significant other, I encourage to seek the advice of a professional, or your closest and most scrupulous loved ones.

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