Today's Love Quote
Love Quotes

Meeting Men With the Same Values as You

Looks really are not everything when it comes to lasting relationships.  Ask couples who have been married for 25 or 50 years what keeps their relationship alive. They will usually tell you that they have the same values and goals or just simply “get” each other.  While physical attraction may draw your attention to a man, it’s not enough to keep you together for the long haul.

His thick, dark hair becomes gray or falls out. His six pack abs turn into his six pack of beer belly. The time he spent gazing into your eyes is now spent focused on the television set watching sports. The butterflies will go away and the chemistry will die down.  A strong relationship needs to be built on a solid foundation or it will quickly come tumbling down at the first sign of trouble.

For a long lasting relationship, there has to be something more substantial than sex or infatuation that keeps a couple together. Couples who share the same values have a bond that goes beyond physical attraction.  It’s a foundation for their relationship.

Meeting men with the same values is not always an easy task, especially as you get older.  The older you get, the less pliable you become in your ways and mindset.  Your values are pretty set in stone, and finding true love with someone who is off kilter with what you find important will lead to disappointment in the long run.

Don’t compromise or be fooled by his charm and good looks.

It is so easy in the early, honeymoon stages of dating to overlook serious conflicts in values.  When he is tall, dark, and handsome or makes you laugh, we can easily justify the differences.  I am not talking small quirks or flaws here.  I mean the big stuff.

If your family is important to you and the strong bonds you have, then you need to find a man who shares that background, or at least understands this value. Otherwise, your relationship will be strained each time his family values and yours collide.  Also, if you want kids and he doesn’t, or vise-versa, it will end up leading to major fights down the road and lasting resentments.

Look at your faith.  It may not seem important if he doesn’t believe what you believe, but it will eventually catch up in your relationship.  It will become even more central if you have children together.

The same goes with politics. While you don’t have to agree on every position, if your views are radically different, each election year and beyond will become straining on your relationship. Even what television shows or news programming you watch each night will become a source of frustration.

Finances.  This is a big one and one of the leading causes of divorce. If you love expensive purses and fancy vacations and he is “thrifty”, you will eventually clash.  Look at how he manages his money and compare it with yourself.  In some ways, you may complement each other, but if you are opposite to the extreme – your relationship may fail.  Having a discussion about finances is a wise choice before you get too serious.

There are many other things to consider when aligning your values: communication styles, education, health and fitness, parenting styles, and more.

You Don’t Want a Clone

You don’t have to look for a guy who is your philosophical, spiritual, mental, and emotional clone to be happy. As a matter of fact, this can lead to a poor mismatch as well.  You should have differences to some degree to keep the relationship from going stale or boring! Differences of opinion can be healthy – and even exciting. But differences that tear at the essence of your belief system become divisive and quarrelsome in any relationship.

Hang out Where He Hangs Out

Perhaps the best way to find a significant other who shares your most treasured values is to go where like-minded people can be found. Maybe that’s at a certain church or synagogue that represents your spiritual beliefs. Maybe a photography club or chess club, depending on your particular interests.

Outdoor enthusiasts of environmentalists may be volunteering to clean up a trail or participate in a backpacking trip. Join a group that participates in these activities.

If you like sports, go to a baseball game and celebrate at a local bar afterwards.  You never know who you may run into.

Essentially, you will have better luck finding someone who shares your values, beliefs, interests or culture, by doing these things that are meaningful to you.

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