I was just reading this hilarious book titled, Women are Crazy and Men are Stupid, written by a couple. There is a chapter in there about expectations, and the book’s male perspective is that expectations ruin everything.
I tend to agree, but shouldn’t there be some expectations on how a woman or man should act when dating or in a relationship?
Maybe. Okay, yes. But, dating is not the place for people who have unrealistic or high expectations – especially in the early stages. Dating is not the place to forget that the people we’re dating are human, meaning that they’re going to have quirks, bad hair days, spinach in their teeth, or an imperfect career. They may forget to open the car door or ask how your day was, and they may even occasionally forget to call.
I know of many nice guys who set the bar so high, there is no way a woman can ever meet those expectations. They reject many great women because they weren’t, well, perfect. Or, maybe were just having a bad day. I also know women who won’t go out with a guy because he does not match up with her perfect little list of expectations and desires. It is amazing men and women hook up at all these days.
People build up the idea of a perfect date with a perfect man/woman. Perfect looks, perfect body, perfect job, perfect smile, perfect sense of humor, perfect personality – just perfect in every way. Give me a break! Stop living in a fantasy world. Once you realize that person is human, you will only be let down.
As the old saying goes, “No matter how good looking she is, some man, somewhere, is tired of listening to her complain.” While I may be slightly offended by this comment and know that not all women constantly complain, the truth is – no matter how perfect she looks, she still has flaws!
If you’re thinking that you’re failing at dating because your idea of the perfect person hasn’t fallen into your lap, or the most gorgeous guy or gal has turned you down for a date, you’re not paying attention.
Look around you. Most people aren’t perfect 10’s – male or female. They may have a 10 personality and a 7 in looks, or the other way around. Average is just that – average – meaning like the majority of other people. You may find those exceptions, but you will be waiting a long, long time. Average people (and even above average people) will make mistakes, they may gain a few pounds, they will say the wrong things, and send the wrong flowers on the wrong day.
I think Howard is right – expectations ruin everything! Man!
You need to open yourself up so that you aren’t shutting out some really great dating prospects. You may need to check yourself – I am pretty sure you are not perfect either. We ALL have our shortcomings, so you may need to be okay with some shortcomings in your dates.
However, as Jenny says in the book, we can’t give up hope and have NO expectations – what’s the point?
Find out what your deal-breakers are. Everyone has them, and even if you’re a super patient person, there are going to be things that you just can’t stand. Create a mental list, or even write it down. Commit it to memory. Remember these are DEAL breakers – BIG things. Think about hard-core values and what keeps you interested for long-term chemistry.
Don’t be too shallow or picky.
You’re going to have to compromise somewhere.
In the end, look at the whole package and not reject someone for one or two perceived flaws. If you do reject those who are great, but not perfect, you might be rejecting someone who could be the love of your life and who may end up being perfect in your eyes once you get to know him or her.
Bottom Line: Unless you’re completely perfect yourself (which no one is), don’t shoot yourself in the foot by rejecting imperfections. These flaws often become the very thing you love about that person later on. If that person has got one of your deal-breakers, that’s one thing, but if you look at the whole package and see someone who’s averaging a decent score, then give them a shot. Don’t forget, your date is judging you the same way, and giving you a fair shot, too.
In the meantime, here’s a clip from the authors of the book, Women are Crazy and Men are Stupid.