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Do Men Love Drama?

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There are some mixed messages out there and am hoping some of my readers can clarify some of this for me (and for the rest of the dating world).

Between talking to men and listening to all the relationship stories out there, there is some conflicting information.  I am a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words, so when the words do not match up with actions, confusion and frustration sets in.

So, what are these mixed messages?

For many years now, I have seen a contradiction in what men SAY they want in a woman and who they actually end up with. On one hand, men say they despise drama and want no part of needy women (the words).  Yet, everyday it seems I am hearing a story about a man who is hooked on a girl who treats them like crap or can’t stand on her own two feet (the actions).  This girl is either filled with drama or is extremely needy.

You know the ones.  The crazy girl who calls her man 10 times a day.  Or the one who starts fights for no reason.  Or that girl who sucks every penny from the man through divorce or extravagant dating expectations. Yet, these men can’t seem to get over these women.  Either that or they have so much hate towards them, that clearly emotions are still rampant.

I have a friend recently tell me that her brother has been pinning over a girl for 18 years!  Almost two decades!  She dumped him, kicked him out, and treats him badly. Yet, he still  “loves” her.  Another friend told me that her boyfriend dumped her to go back to his crazy ex-wife who called the cops on him several times during their volatile relationship – claiming he was “abusing” her.

I went on one date with a guy and decided I was not intoxicating enough for him after he revealed his last relationship to me.  He met her online where eventually she told him she was living in a foreign country and needed him to send her some money to get her back to the states.  He actually did send money to her!  Then through many more drama-filled incidents and lies, he dated her for an additional 2 years!

Yet, I also know great single ladies who are attractive, low drama, independent and strong who can’t get a man to commit to more than one or two dates for the life of them!  A guy once told one of these girls, she was “too independent.”

WTF?

I am sure there are great single ladies who have other flaws that men don’t particularly care for – like their own house, a job, no kids or crazy ex-husband, a decent FICO score, and a good relationship with their family.  That is understandable.

But, maybe these women possess the biggest flaw of all: boring.  Well, they are not really boring in the sense that they don’t know how to have fun.  But, boring in the sense that they have their feces collated.  They have thier sh*t together.  Sigh.  That may be a turn off to men.  Life without uncertainty and plenty of predictability.

Excuse the sarcasm above, but again – WTF?!

While men say they don’t want drama, do they unknowingly or subconsciously actually thrive on or even love drama? I know this is stereotypically a woman’s role, but I have to ask.

So, which is it?

5 comments to Do Men Love Drama?

  • Lynn

    Julie,
    I am experiencing the drama as we speak! This guy, online fella sends me mixed signals all the time. When I am being cool about things like him not getting back to me or confirming our dates, he doesn’t respond. Then, it seems to me, he waits until I get upset and then he has something to say like, “I was gonna come down but now with these messages I don’t know”.
    The background on this situation is that he did this once before. We talked on the phone, we got along great. Our texts were fun as well. Then as the time came closer for our first date (ever meeting) he began to communicate less. He said he was going to call me at certain days/times and didn’t follow through etc. Then he called me one night saying how sorry he was and he knew he was wrong (he’d been drinking). Then the next day he changed his tune.
    This man is so confusing and I think he likes the drama, that’s why.
    As much as “they” claim to not want any drama, a lot of those men actually seem to want it. It can really mess with your mind if your not insightful enough to see through this kind of behavior.

    • Julie

      All I can say is run! Cut your ties, it is just not worth it. Mixed signals ultimately means they want to see how much they can get away with. It is kind of like hanging on to something and not throwing it away because you might need it on a rainy day – like an old sweater. Throw away the sweater and walk away. When it is too easy, they don’t want it! They want it on THEIR terms, when they are in the “mood” for it! Ugh – no thanks!! It is hard, I know because you grasp onto the “good” things, but in the end you have to respect yourself! That is the only way a man will respect you as well. Girl, isn’t it exhausting?!?? :) Good luck!

  • Lynn

    You are so right. I thought with us being friends he would have acted differently, but he pulled the same thing today that he did when we were supposed to date. Then, of course, I don’t want to feel bad so I try to understand what he was thinking. Why did HE set up a plan with me and then flake yesterday when I texted him to confirm? His excuse, “left my phone at home”, he used that one before, and “i was busy”. Doesn’t he have every excuse not to follow through!
    I am a nice person and VERY understanding, patient. You do get walked on, it’s a shame.
    I did just text him after I read your note b/c you are right. i texted him “Good luck in finding what you want. U seem cool and fun, but leaving me hanging is not what i deserve”.
    So thanks for the girl power!!!!

  • Debra

    In my experience men crave drama, even though they lie and say they don’t. I have been an open, loving, honest, would do anything at all for a man and gotten walked all over and cheated on. When I turned the tide and acted like I didn’t give a crap (easy because by now I don’t), it seems like men are more drawn to me and unwilling to let go. What a strange paradox, when all I ever wanted was to just get married and settle down like a “normal” person.

    • Julie

      I hear you Debra! I have met so many men who say they HATE drama, but if you look at who they date is conflicts with the words that are coming out of thier mouth! :) It really is too bad we can’t skip over the games and drama.

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