There are some mixed messages out there and am hoping some of my readers can clarify some of this for me (and for the rest of the dating world).
Between talking to men and listening to all the relationship stories out there, there is some conflicting information. I am a firm believer in actions speaking louder than words, so when the words do not match up with actions, confusion and frustration sets in.
So, what are these mixed messages?
For many years now, I have seen a contradiction in what men SAY they want in a woman and who they actually end up with. On one hand, men say they despise drama and want no part of needy women (the words). Yet, everyday it seems I am hearing a story about a man who is hooked on a girl who treats them like crap or can’t stand on her own two feet (the actions). This girl is either filled with drama or is extremely needy.
You know the ones. The crazy girl who calls her man 10 times a day. Or the one who starts fights for no reason. Or that girl who sucks every penny from the man through divorce or extravagant dating expectations. Yet, these men can’t seem to get over these women. Either that or they have so much hate towards them, that clearly emotions are still rampant.
I have a friend recently tell me that her brother has been pinning over a girl for 18 years! Almost two decades! She dumped him, kicked him out, and treats him badly. Yet, he still “loves” her. Another friend told me that her boyfriend dumped her to go back to his crazy ex-wife who called the cops on him several times during their volatile relationship – claiming he was “abusing” her.
I went on one date with a guy and decided I was not intoxicating enough for him after he revealed his last relationship to me. He met her online where eventually she told him she was living in a foreign country and needed him to send her some money to get her back to the states. He actually did send money to her! Then through many more drama-filled incidents and lies, he dated her for an additional 2 years!
Yet, I also know great single ladies who are attractive, low drama, independent and strong who can’t get a man to commit to more than one or two dates for the life of them! A guy once told one of these girls, she was “too independent.”
I am sure there are great single ladies who have other flaws that men don’t particularly care for – like their own house, a job, no kids or crazy ex-husband, a decent FICO score, and a good relationship with their family. That is understandable.
But, maybe these women possess the biggest flaw of all: boring. Well, they are not really boring in the sense that they don’t know how to have fun. But, boring in the sense that they have their feces collated. They have thier sh*t together. Sigh. That may be a turn off to men. Life without uncertainty and plenty of predictability.
Excuse the sarcasm above, but again – WTF?!
While men say they don’t want drama, do they unknowingly or subconsciously actually thrive on or even love drama? I know this is stereotypically a woman’s role, but I have to ask.
So, which is it?
- Why Some Men Can Not Commit to a Relationship (beyondjane.com)
- “We Drink, Argue & Break Up Often But I Love Him & Want To Be A Family” (hellobeautiful.com)