How Do You Define Love?

Below is a (rather long) love quote from the movie Mandolin, originally written by St. Augustine…

“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”

Falling in love. Easy to do. I have a few times. Those early stages are pretty great and exciting! Right?  Sometimes it happens with the breathlessness and eternal passion as he describes, or sometimes it is more subtle, but still new and exciting. But, that is the easy part. That is where it is easy to walk away the first sign of trouble or overlook things due to the pedestal they sit upon. The roots are shallow. Too often we focus on that and do not even look at the long-term qualities. In this honeymoon stage, it is also easy to think their flaws are cute. We overlook things because we are on cloud nine, 10,000 feet off the ground.

Then, reality sets in…

The hard part comes when you start to see the real person – their hopes, passions, dreams, and annoying behaviors and bad habits – and still choose to love him or her. We come out of the clouds and become grounded. We have more realistic expectations. Our lives start getting back to normal. We have bills to pay, TV shows to catch up on, alone time, friend time, and other things that were neglected during the “euphoric” stage.

Real life happens. It always does.

Love is a choice.

After the honeymoon stage, the true test and hard work kicks in. This is when love becomes a choice. This is when you love someone even when you don’t like them. (Yes, this DOES make sense if you have ever had a long-term relationship.) This is when loves becomes real and powerful and purely beautiful and deep. It does not waver at the smallest sign of problems. It only hangs on tighter.

And it gets stronger.

But, it is tested. At the same time, the roots become so deep, they are nearly impossible to pull up.

This type of love is here to stay. If we choose.

When you can finish each other sentences, or laugh at good memories or especially bad ones. When you realize this person knows you better than any other human being. Love is when you look at that person and know what they are thinking. You know what makes them happy, sad, angry, or fills them with joy. You know the sore spots to avoid and the words that encourage. This takes time, work, and faith. (maybe some patience, too)

Will you still need me… when I’m 64?

When you can sit on the porch at 80 years old and say absolutely nothing to each other and be completely together! Yet, you still need each other.  By that point, the roots are so deep, even an electric weed wacker won’t do the job.  Oh, the solid, uninspiring love that long lasting real love brings! It is real and it is NOT all hearts and flowers. (Yes, it is true!)

So, how DO you define Love?

Yes, I have been in a well, quite a few relationships, most of them were good, but all failed at some point since we are not together. I have also seen a lot fail that were not so good among family, friends, and coworkers. Sure, I have not been married, so maybe some people would throw out my creditability. But, I do live among those that have had their heart broken and really believed, “he or she was the ONE.” But I do know this. I do know how God wants us to love.

THAT is the real stuff.  If you build a relationship with God at the center, patience, kindness, respect, and joy will follow. If we can love one another like that,  love can be more beautiful than anything you can fathom.  The kind of love God blesses us with that is to be passed on to others.

So, is all this simple as falling in love? Uh, nope. It takes work.  Again, relationships are not all hearts and flowers.  But, in the end, it is worth it.

That IS love.  Look it up in 1 Cor 13

If I can find even a fraction of that kind of love – I am waaaay ahead of most people!

I mean what do I know?